My first blog, well technically I wrote my FIRST blog back in 2015. I wrote it, published it, and never returned. That’s the thing about self-esteem, confidence and self-worth, if it is lacking it is very hard to think that anyone would ever care at all about what you have to say, including myself.
That being said, this time I am trying to have the mindset that if I can reach just one person and have a positive impact than that is all I need. And that one person very well may be me.
You see, I want to show up in my life. It isn’t that I haven’t ever shown up, I have. I show up for my kids, for my ex-husband (mostly) and my current love. If you need me, I am there! But for myself….not often. Just yesterday I was talking to my therapist (yes I have a therapist, off and on for most of my life, invaluable!). We were discussing how I don’t show up for myself. I have wanted to write a blog, public speak, help others with my story for a long time. I have had this feeling inside that I am meant for more than what I do. I can remember being 23 and a friend telling me that I needed to have a passion, life required it. So I have spent the last 20+ years thinking shit, what’s my passion!?!?!
I am just starting to discover what I am passionate about. Or maybe it isn’t that I am “discovering” it as much as I am paying attention to me, I am showing up. I have lived most of my life in survival mode. I take jobs to pay the bills not because I love them or they move me in any way, but I had bills to pay and children to feed. I have chosen to fly under the radar, I have made conscious choices to not be seen.
I don’t regret my life, yes I can look back and see where I would have liked to make different choices but I 100% buy into that every choice I have made has brought me where I am today. Now, today, it is time for me to show up, to step out of my fear, to design a life I am convincing myself that I deserve.
So here, this blog, is my first showing up. I plan on many more!
Today I shed my old skin, which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity. —-The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino