Showing UP!

My first blog, well technically I wrote my FIRST blog back in 2015.  I wrote it, published it, and never returned.  That’s the thing about self-esteem, confidence and self-worth, if it is lacking it is very hard to think that anyone would ever care at all about what you have to say, including myself.

That being said, this time I am trying to have the mindset that if I can reach just one person and have a positive impact than that is all I need.  And that one person very well may be me.

You see, I want to show up in my life.  It isn’t that I haven’t ever shown up, I have.  I show up for my kids, for my ex-husband (mostly) and my current love.  If you need me, I am there!  But for myself….not often.  Just yesterday I was talking to my therapist (yes I have a therapist, off and on for most of my life, invaluable!).  We were discussing how I don’t show up for myself.  I have wanted to write a blog, public speak, help others with my story for a long time.  I have had this feeling inside that I am meant for more than what I do.  I can remember being 23 and a friend telling me that I needed to have a passion, life required it.  So I have spent the last 20+ years thinking shit, what’s my passion!?!?!

I am just starting to discover what I am passionate about.  Or maybe it isn’t that I am “discovering” it as much as I am paying attention to me, I am showing up.  I have lived most of my life in survival mode.  I take jobs to pay the bills not because I love them or they move me in any way, but I had bills to pay and children to feed.  I have chosen to fly under the radar, I have made conscious choices to not be seen.

I don’t regret my life, yes I can look back and see where I would have liked to make different choices but I 100% buy into that every choice I have made has brought me where I am today.  Now, today, it is time for me to show up, to step out of my fear, to design a life I am convincing myself that I deserve.

So here, this blog, is my first showing up.  I plan on many more!

AmyD

Today I shed my old skin, which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity. —-The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino

 

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