I recently completed a course by Mel Robbins titled How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence. As you will soon discover about me I love to take courses, earn degrees, certifications and read self-development books–learning in general. I think learning is fundamental or is that reading?! Either way, for me, I feel like I am doing something if I am taking a course or in some sort of class, that this “thing” will be what causes me to have a breakthrough, it will give me the answers and direction that I have searched for for most of my life…
Mel Robbins course-on Creativelive.com if anyone is interested, was a great course. I am truly trying to integrate what I learned into my daily life instead of just filing the information into my already very full (and very underutilized) toolbox.
First item of self-discovery is that I have spent most of my life in fake confidence, what Mel called “the bossy kind”. I stomp my foot and assert myself when I truly can’t take whatever it is anymore. It is generally short-lived, stormy and then I feel bad, doubt, shame, whatever emotion over my chosen behavior. Chosen behavior???
Yes, this is another item I discovered. Feelings/emotions are natural, different ones come up constantly throughout the day around a myriad of incidents, most do not serve me. My thoughts, behaviors and responses around those feelings, well those are mine to control. What?!?! You might read this and think, well duh. But I truly don’t think that I have ever had the thought that I can control my response to how I feel, I feel how I feel and what follows, well that also just happens, without my control.
Behavior and response to a trigger in relation to self-confidence for me goes as follows: I really want to share my story, I want to be able to positively impact others, empower others to move, to show-up! Oh, that feels terrifying, be seen, open up, share, me?!?! Anxiety and worry build and my response, my behavior–do nothing, shut down, let self-doubt win, I mean, I don’t have and never have had much confidence.
Mel refers to this cycle as the confidence competency loop–we have to try, and the trying will more than likely be terrifying, however, we try-we succeed or survive-we learn, build a skill, gain competency and whamo! Confidence!! We just have to do that over and over again….the more competency we gain the less doubt and fear drive our bus! Easy peasy…..ok, it takes a hell of a lot of practice. Practice is action, not just thinking, in fact thinking is what generally lands me in inaction. I hate (love) over thinking!
Another item of wisdom from Mel’s course was that confidence is NOT a personality trait, we aren’t born with it, it’s not like brown eyes, curly hair and confidence–there you go! Confidence is a habit, just like self-doubt is a habit. Confidence is a skill that each of us can learn for ourselves. I hope if I stay in action that one of my blogs will be about the brain-I love the brain, it is my frenemy! Our brains are wired to keep us “safe” to not let us change, change doesn’t feel safe. Keep that in mind when you are wanting to build some confidence, your damn brain will fight you on it. Keep at it, make the decision to try and act.
Mel’s course had lots more content but I don’t want to go on and on…I highly recommend it.
Now go out and build yourself some confidence! I am going to!!