Put on your big girl panties!

If this publishes on May 3rd then I actually made it to the yoga retreat that I signed up for back in August of last year.  At the time I was feeling that “bossy confidence” I talked about last week.  The trip came across my Facebook page posted by someone who I worked with in the past–we weren’t each others favorite at the time but both have grown considerably and have connected on a couple of things via Facebook.  So anyway, she posts this yoga retreat at this Xinalai Yoga Retreat place.  I think, yep, I am going, for sure!  Me and the beach, yoga.  I had just started my yoga certification course and was feeling strong, empowered…confident!!

Fast forward to April of this year…..oh crap!  I am doing what?!?!  Alone, by myself, for 7 days.  An island (jungle) that has limited wi-fi, water usage is minimal, can NOT ingest the water….yea, I know, waaaaaa, going to a beautiful island and I am complaining.  Trust me, I annoy myself.

In reality I am sure that I will be fine.  What scares me is that I am getting on a plane and traveling to this jungle by myself.  My travel career has been very minimal.  And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t do a hell of a lot on my own.  I love to tout that I am an independent woman, I don’t need a man, I don’t need anyone!  Yea, right.  And there isn’t a problem with needing people, I do think that that is how we are wired-we are pack animals.  But when we pass up opportunities because we don’t feel like we can, we lack the confidence in ourselves, well then that is a problem.

Before I left I came up with all kinds of reasons why the timing was bad….haven’t had a closing in a while (realtor), my dog will miss me….I will miss my dog…yea, nothing super valid.  I told myself that the anxiety is just excitement, I imagined myself on the beach enjoying myself, everything fine…..not lost in Mexico somewhere alone and hungry or I got on the wrong plane and now I am God knows where alone and hungry (yes, my fears are often steeped in reality).

But this is the very thing I talked about last week, confidence.  The ability to feel like I have this, in thinking about it, I might not ever FEEL like I have anything, but I have to do it anyway, I have to break the cycle of self-doubt, create a competency, build this skill!  I can do this!  And if you are reading this, I am gone!  Hopefully not alone, lost and hungry…..



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