Heading out this morning to go visit my mom. She lives about 5 hours away, on the Western slope, near the base of the Grand Mesa. Beautiful area and I love going over. My mom doesn’t have internet so it is a nice opportunity to unplug. Small town, lots of green!
My mom and I have a lot of history, which seems to be a fairly strange thing to say as we all have a history with our parents. Age depends on the length. I consider my mom and I to be close, especially since I went through my divorce in 2007/2008 and beyond. It was a rough one.
We haven’t always been close. My mom got pregnant with me at 19. She says that she always wanted me and knew that I would love her. Use to resent that statement. “I’d love her” what about her loving me??? As an adult, with lots of therapy, I know that my mother loved me, she really did do her best.
Ya see, I had a total of 11 step dads, the 9th was happening when I graduated High School. Day of graduation, and this may not be true but feels like day of, she let me know that she was moving in with number 9 and that I might be able to stay in his basement but really I needed to figure out what to do. I did. If I am anything I am resilient.
I was raised with alcoholism, drugs, and domestic violence. We moved a lot. In 6th grade we moved to Rock Springs, Wyoming. What was nice about this is that it was a pretty small town back then so we’d move but I was able to remain in the same Junior High and then there was only one High School. Made it easier to maintain friendships. Which I depended on heavily and am truly grateful to a small group of gals.
I’ll discuss more about my upbringing in later blogs. The title of this blog page comes from the story I created as a child and carry with me today, being enough. Somewhere it became obvious to me that I wasn’t worthy of love, I wasn’t enough. I’ve carried that story with me, the good and the bad. As I have mentioned previously, our frenemy the brain, does a great job of pointing out examples to support the story we tell ourselves–unworthy has been my running theme. Really just recently am I truly trying to change that story, it is freaking difficult! I want to be seen and heard…..I think.
I really should have worked on this early than right now, an hour before I am leaving…ugh, habits I want to create are slow to come.
I hope that everyone has a most wonderful day! Be kind to yourselves, you are unique, you are awesome and you are worthy of all the wonderfully beautiful abundance in this world!