I signed up for a Story Telling class prior to giving my SheLeads talk. It is a 6 week class where we will write a 7 to 10 minute talk about a particular time in our life. I was excited for the prospect of getting to practice speaking, Plus the leader will record our talk and then give us a copy of it which will be my first marketing piece! Awesome!
Yea, I don’t wanna. Not even remotely. We’ve had 2 classes and a one on one. In the one on one I expressed that I don’t wanna. I feel pretty adamant about it, nope, not doing it. She talked to me about a vulnerability hangover, not sure if originally coined by Brene Brown but I would think probably so. Here is the link to her TedX. Her talk is about her research on vulnerability, well worth the watch.
So I have a hangover……well I’ve had a few of those in my life. Usually I take some electrolytes, berate myself and rest. Not sure that will work in this case. Brene’s research has shown that being vulnerable, sharing our authentic selves and experiences leads to bringing purpose and meaning into our lives. And often that vulnerability, the being seen leads to a “Holy Crap!!! What did I do?!?!”
I will say this hangover has lasted longer than my usual. I spoke the 21st of June and I am still feeling the effects and really don’t want to share…..ever again!
I also know that I tend to like to sit in fear and self-pity. I have a long list of justifications for remaining where I have been. My comfort zone is comfortable… or is it??
It was pointed out to me that if I didn’t feel moved to share I wouldn’t have in the first place. That this hangover will pass and one of the things that will help that is to continue sharing. So I will continue working on the piece of my story I am going to share for Story Tellers.
I started reading a book that I have had for years, The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. I’ve started and stopped this book several times and this time around it is really resonating with me.
Specifically chapter 2, your inner roommate. The first 2 lines of the chapter are this:
Your inner growth is completely dependent upon the realization that the only way to find peace and contentment is to stop thinking about yourself. You’re ready to grow when you finally realize that the “I” who is always talking inside will never be content.
He goes on to explain that that voice will always have a problem, always. When this one moves on another one will replace it and so on. The task is to separate ourselves from this voice, to observe and be free from the part within that has all of these problems. To really solidify for ourselves that we are NOT our thoughts.
I have been practicing stepping back and learning to watch my thoughts, to not attach to any of them or tell myself they are true. It’s not easy. I have found that it is easier when my anxiety is low and am able to just observe. I feel like this is a great way to practice the skill so hopefully when anxiety is high and my thoughts are running the show I am better able to practice the habit I am creating and separate myself.
And of course practicing good ol’ self love. Being supportive and kind to myself around my super slow painful, why can’t you freaking get this?!? progress.
Hope you all are kind to yourself!