Stop Blinking at Me!

My intention each week is to start thinking about what I want to write on Monday, mull it over, then write on Wednesday so on Thursday I can just reread, not rework or delete which is often what I want to do, but check for grammar and spelling errors and press publish.

I’d like to say after a couple of months of doing this I have this down.  Nope!  Maybe once I thought about it on a Monday, more consistently I have written on Wednesday but often find myself writing late Wednesday or Thursday morning.

Mind you , I by no means think I am writing best selling material here, but really to strive to try and share something with some value or at the very least not be mind numbing.

But today, Thursday, mid morning even, I have been staring at that damn cursor….blinking, blinking, blinking and I’ve got nothing.

I’m tired.  Physically because my daughter and I went to the drive in last night and got home at 2am, my bed time is around 9, yes, I am THAT old!

But I am mostly emotionally tired.  I moved companies yesterday, left working with my significant other.  I got into real estate in June of 2014 and started working with him January 2015, so most of my career has been working together.  We’ve had ups and downs and really decided to make a change because our personal life is struggling which bleeds into work, you try to not let it but it just does.

We’ve had good constructive conversations, I felt like it was for sure the right decision to go with the company I went with.  Ah but reality, the reality of it is that when I went in and went over everything it didn’t feel so great.  Not due to them at all and in fact I am pretty sure it is going to be a good fit.  I was tempted to type “when I stop feeling sorry for myself”.  But I won’t, I realized today that I can allow myself to feel sad, I have lost something that I enjoyed, that was important to me.  I can feel all the feelings I have around that, for a week??  well probably not, but for today, sure.

I don’t want to hear from myself or anyone else that it is a good decision, the right choice, change is hard, we will be better off etc.  All very well intended but I think if I hear it one more time I am going to lose it!  And that’s never constructive.

So for today I am going to feel the stuff I need to feel, I am not going to stuff it, explain it away, justify it, I’m going to cry as much as I want.  It sucks, I am sad, heartbroken, frustrated, resentful, angry, and whatever else comes up for me.

I am going to go walk my dog, pictured here, she makes my heart smile.

I read this quote this morning, thought I’d share.

From the peace at our center, we gain distance from our emotions to connect to intuitive wisdom.

Be kind to yourselves.

AmyD

 

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