Save me, Please!

I’ve realized for awhile that I often look outward for something to save me, to make me happy, rich, content, peaceful, whatever it is that I am looking for in that moment.

One of those things is a device called a Helo, by World Global Network–a very impressive name.  A woman that I met at a network event told me about it at the end of 2016 think it was.  A device that tracks blood pressure with the promise of so many other things.  A network marketing company.  I was some where in between feeling sorry for myself and hopeful at the same time so I bought it, $400 because this is “the thing” I will make millions and life will be grand, saved!!

I received my new Helo and started using it, lots of problems.  I was assured that that is very common with new technology and not to worry…..yeah.

I did some minor promoting but as problems continued I stopped and thought I’d wait and see….long story long I canceled membership and stopped using device, it was irritating that it rarely worked and I definitely wasn’t going to encourage others to buy.

I took said device out a couple of days ago, charged it up and added the app again.  Couldn’t get it to work, reached out to the person that sold it to me and was informed that the “classic” would not work with new technology…..great, now I have a very expensive and not the most attractive piece of jewelry…..

I am trying not to beat myself up for this.  I really did think that I thought this through before purchasing along with the several thousands I have spent on other “things” that would be THE thing that changes my life.

Somewhere in my life I have stopped trusting my intuition.  I have always been pretty susceptible to what others say and I’ve grown to doubt me.  I have actual evidence where my intuition was right but I hadn’t listened and frustratingly enough still do this.

I am in a strange, yucky, wonderful place in my life right now.  To be honest, more yucky than wonderful, but I am working on that.

I have to stay true to me, how I feel.  I am a people pleaser and try to do what I am suppose to do, dictated by some arbitrary guideline in my head.  It creates high anxiety in me if I think I displease the ones I love, I am needy beyond healthy.  Please please love me!!!

I find that in sharing how I am feeling or where I am the feedback I receive is that I put too much weight on this or I’m too critical, too blunt too whatever and maybe I am, but maybe this is me.  I have to love me how and where I am today and so do the people I let into my life.

We all navigate the world from our own perspective, our life experience.  I found the what color is the dress thing that went around Facebook fascinating.  What a great way to demonstrate that we don’t see things the same, the simplest things.

It is most important to remember that but even more important to accept it.  I am ok, more than ok that the dress is green just like it is more than ok that you see the dress as yellow.  It doesn’t make either of us wrong.

I have to be careful of this myself.  I recognize that because I don’t want to be in a certain environment or I don’t think people are authentic or people I want to be around, if someone else does it doesn’t automatically make them the enemy.

I do have to decide what I want for me.  I can say that I have a yearning inside for peace, for a big change of circumstance for me.  I have been unhappy for awhile and fine, I’ll own that, my fault as I have control over how I feel and what my life looks like and I continue to give away that power.

I have to save me and I truly feel that in order to do that I have to make changes, different decisions and above all else trust in myself.  I am going to lose people along the way but I believe I will also gain others.  People come in and out of ours lives and I am looking forward to some changes.

I realize I also have to find a balance, I have a strong desire to completely isolate and cut out everyone, to place my unhappiness on everyone that has crossed my path in the last 3 years.  I have to find quiet and be true to myself, this is my life lived from my perspective.  I’ve spent far too much of it pleasing everyone but me.

All of that to say that my $400 purchase didn’t save me, damn it!  🙂

Be kind to yourself!

AmyD

 

 

 

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