Save the earthworm!

I save earthworms.  This morning on a walk with my dog, I passed a worm, he didn’t look great.  I kept walking, then I stopped, turned my dog around and went back.  Picked him up, still alive, and threw him in the grass.  Gives me a happy feeling…feel like that might be strange.

I am not new to saving earthworms, have done it for awhile.  Meeka looks at me with curiosity when I stop her and bend down and pick up their little bodies and throw them to what I hope is a longer life than what they would have had.  On days that it has rained or the sprinklers have run, it can be quite time consuming, but I don’t mind.  Again…strange.

The other day I was walking with my partner and our dogs and the sidewalk was riddled with dead little worms….I felt sad and hopeless, I couldn’t help them.

Back to this morning walking, I started thinking about why this has become important to me.  I mean I don’t hesitate to kill a spider in my home.  I tried to let one live…once, he was in the corner by the mirror in the bathroom, I thought, ok, he isn’t close, let him live.  The next morning I am in the shower and look up and there he is!  Above my head!! And I am naked, in the shower, at HIS mercy.  He didn’t kill me either but still.

I digress…this morning, I wondered if I save them because it provides me with a sense of power, of control.  I am able to bend down, pick him up and make his life better, pretty easily.  Does he even know, understand…does it matter??

I have also had the thought that maybe that worm was suppose to die, natural selection or something, that by me saving him I am throwing off a very delicate ecosystem.

Many of my posts have been about navigating the world with a serious control issue.  I wasn’t raised in the best environment, not always very safe and have grown into an adult who wants to control every aspect of my environment in a very uncontrollable world.  It is exhausting and anxiety producing.

Back to the worm.  I was thinking, am I as nice to people that I come across?  People who very obviously are struggling, dying on the sidewalk in the sun (ok, so probably not that extreme). I try to be nice in general, I do.  But sometimes I wonder if I base that on the effort and return ratio, if ratio is even the right term. Let’s see if I can explain.

If I see someone obviously hurting, do I have time?  What am I doing?  Is it a safe situation? Will they require more from me than I have to give?  I mean let’s face it, the worm is a really small effort for me and a fuzzy return.  Oh, is that return fabricated because I am trying to make myself feel better for not actually taking the time to help humans…..ugh, I will overthink that awhile.

I will vow to make an effort at helping the next human I see lying on the sidewalk dying in the sun….I will.  Until then I will continue to make a difference in the lives of earthworms (and apparently spiders, killing those).

Be kind to yourselves!

AmyD

 

 

 

 

 

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