Pants on Fire!!!

Lying sucks, it is insidious.  I can’t say that I have never lied, hell, I lied yesterday about a health question.  Funny, after I lied, and it wasn’t major, but a lie nonetheless, I was so worried the person would know, would see it on my face.  Made me anxious and when I left I reflected that it didn’t actually help me in any way, it was just weak, a weakness in me to choose to lie.  It was dumb and now I will brace for the return.

Do I think I am going to have a big terrible Universal event because of that lie….well no, but I do believe that what we put out comes back to us.  If we put out negativity or we navigate the world with a lack of integrity the world delivers that in return.

I decided to try my hand at lying in 2015…that sounds really strange and I could give excuses….love, infatuation, excitement….whatever, bottom line I put myself in a situation where I had to lie to pretty much everyone.  Or instead of lying I just stopped talking to people.  It ended up being one of the hardest years of my life with 2 years following that also haven’t been great.  I deserved it.  I lacked integrity and character and the Universe said ok, here you go.  I will never go down that path again, lesson learned.

I don’t understand lying as a habit.  My oldest went through a stage and frankly might still be in that stage of lying because she could.  She herself admitted that she lies to see if she can get away with it….um, what?!  It has hurt our relationship, I don’t trust what she says and I don’t know that I ever will.  I love her with all of my heart, that will never change, but I am sad when I catch her in a lie and the damage it causes.

I dated a guy in college that was a habitual liar, he’d lie about what he had for lunch.  It was freaking ridiculous, we didn’t last long.  I don’t have a high tolerance for lying, it just isn’t necessary.

I think of the different movies where someone is a habitual liar and then they stop and what ensues is funny or hurtful or whatever.  Many conversations have been had about when lying is ok…such as, does my butt look too big in these pants…of course it doesn’t…

Is that ok?  And does lying on that level contribute to thinking lying in general is ok??  I honestly don’t know the answer, I try not to lie, I do, back to that karmic element in the Universe, it just isn’t worth it.  Plus it is a lot of freaking work, I have a hard enough time remembering the truth. I am sure that I have been lied to and never found out, but the times that I have are damaging.

I use to think that someone wouldn’t lie to me if they just loved me enough, if I was worthy of love, that it was some how my fault.  Felt this way most of my life, until recently.  I now realize that it has nothing to do with me, some people just lie.  Be it to protect themselves from getting in trouble or because they are doing something wrong or hell, I guess people lie just because they can.  It is disappointing.

Like I said, it is insidious…a gradual, subtle way with harmful effects.  Eats away at a relationship, creates doubt, breaks trust.

Relationships are pretty difficult in and of themselves.  Takes a lot of work, a lot of compromise to bring 2 people together who have their own perceptions of the world, their own baggage, their own wounds.  To come together and navigate all of that and then trust that the other person isn’t going to make choices to add to the difficulty, isn’t going to lie, it is no wonder why so many choose a life of solitude, less risk, less pain.

I don’t know, wish I had a fantastic answer, or a fantastic something.  Today I just feel sad and that’s ok.  I only have control over me and I have vowed to myself to be a better person than I have been, I will put the last 3 years behind me, part of that is to also set some boundaries for myself, love a person or not, lying to me is not going to be something that I “understand” and accept, it is 100% controllable.

So if I ask the question if my butt looks big in these pants and it does, just tell me.  If it hurts my feelings, makes me mad…whatever, that is my issue, not yours, don’t be a liar for my sake but mostly for yours.

Be kind to yourselves!

AmyD

 

 

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